I find people off the spectrum lie too much

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  • #10466
    Curlycurvy1111
    Participant

    I find this a problem too but I thought it was just me. I can’t respect people who lie a lot, especially the ones who lie to themselves- who are they fooling?Seems odd they don’t realise that down the line it won’t help them. It’s so nice to realise there are other people who feel the same way.

    #10781
    Rookie
    Participant

    Hello,

    I think growing up the thing that both children and adults seemed to resent in me was my refusal to lie. It’s not like I’m incapable (although as a child perhaps I was) but I just don’t see it as healthy, or as necessary as neurotypicals seem to think it is. In my opinion, most people who lie do it because they’re afraid to face the truth or because in that moment it’s easier to deal with/ makes them look good. I’ve always pushed my family to be honest and it’s not always been appreciated, but at least when they interact with me they know who I am. One thing I’ve found is that people are easily embarrassed and so if you lead with a similar mistake etc on your part then they’re more likely to admit to their own mistakes rather than denying they made any… just in case that helps others here. I used to be more judgmental but since early 20s have realised compassion for what others may find difficult – in this case, blunt honesty, is more encouraging and helpful. People are much more likely to be real if they feel there’s acceptance there.

    #11110
    Ezylryb
    Participant

    on this point “I have always been very sensitive to lying. I know how to lie but prefer to find people that can handle the truth and because of my ASD I don’t emotionally react to things so I would people be truthful and just work through consequences. I have a hard enough tying to read people when they’re telling the truth.

    Anyone else struggle with this?” all i can say is welcome to the wold of man where lying is all you are going to get in my Esperance

    #11113
    Eric the Reader
    Participant

    I agree, it is also very hard for me to lie too

    #11510
    Holly
    Participant

    I have experienced the same difficulties. I often can’t tell when someone is lying in the moment. I have to process the conversation (or long continual conversation/relationship) after interactions occur. For me it’s really offensive and has led me to where I am now: I don’t understand NTs. If they can’t live in truth, and speak the truth, then, in essence, the purpose of the relationship is simply self-serving. That’s not friendship at all.

    #11511
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I agree and get angry when people want me to lie.

    #12453

    I find people of the normie spectrum lie to themselves too much, one example is they keep using Facebook after being repetitively proven violations of privacy/ data, Chinese inspired censorship, and overall psychological manipulation on a malicious level. But if you held a video camera to one of these normies in public, they would get offended and feel their privacy is violated. Normies keep lying to themselves that they are virtuous and do what they can to be responsible when they clearly are not, why should any of us tell them the truth when they keep putting their trust in things that keep telling them lies for years?

    #12789
    Mike
    Participant

    I guess you could say that anyone who lies is doing it too much. Right? I have noticed that most (not all) NT’s have this idea of “My Truth” (I think Oprah started that) where we are all supposed to take someones (perspective, opinion, explanation, accusation, etc.) as true… when much of the time it’s not – at least from a spectrum point of view. But, because they actually believe what they are saying is true, it’s impossible to detect any kind of indicator that they are lying. I was in a long-term relationship with someone on the spectrum and she admitted to me that she lies all the time and gets away with it because she knows that people on the spectrum have a (earned) reputation of being very honest! So, go figure! BTW, just started Good Omens – only about 10 pages in… (and that’s the truth!)

    #19941
    Nick
    Participant

    I have spent a lot of years pondering this exact thing before I was diagnosed. Most NTs are liars and manipulators and I don’t know or understand why at all. This is just their accepted way to be for some reason. For relationships they pretend to have similar interests and beliefs until they think they have a good hold on you and then start to show their true selves after they have reeled you in. At that point they try to mold you into what they really want, whether you accept it or not.

    Personally I have always found that entire concept completely illogical and counterproductive because it’s all based in lies and manipulation, but there you go. I would tell people (in both relationships and friendships) that they have to accept me the way I am or keep looking elsewhere. To quote the great philosopher Popeye “I yam what I yam an dats what I am”. But the Norms (“normal” people or NTs as many Aspies call them) like their games and rituals and perform the manipulation tactics anyway. I unfortunately wasted a lot of years with some really crummy women and so called friends because of this, and then avoided relationships for many more years after because I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. I knew it was my issue because relationships seemed to just sort of work for other people, or at least for a lot of other people I knew. Now I am getting a better grasp of why.

    #20156
    Kitty
    Participant

    yes. my mum lied to me once and I have never forgotten it. And then a friend at university turned out to be a pathological liar. I can’t really lie or understand why anyone would.

    #20157
    Kitty
    Participant

    yes, not being able or willing to see your own flaws is fascinating.

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