Autism Dating Site – Asperger Dating Site and Friendship Site › Forums › Dating with Asperger’s › I find people off the spectrum lie too much
15/05/2016 at 8:11 pm #1805RichParticipant
Lies yeah, i did as a kid, i had to.. liars I can spot a mile off.. there are so many bullshitters28/02/2017 at 6:58 pm #4139papaBearParticipant
guess I’m bumping this up, but…
Lying, modified truth or a expectation that everybody understand it’s not entirely true, is one of the things I allways have had problems with… And trying to make myself understand is a mental strain of huge proportions… I can do it, for a while, but it taxes me so much it usually turns into a meltdown after a while. Why can’t people just say it straight??? The NT social “dance” is mind-exhausting.
I’ve tried, and tried, and tried, man how tired I am of trying… I still don’t have a clue, and when it turns out I have misunderstood or something, I’m the one that is the “bad guy”… Because it’s “normal” to understand this, everybody does, right… Bugger, another burnt bridge or shipwreck.
I say what I mean, and mean what I say. Too bad most people either look at me as a rude troublemaker, or a mentally challenged… True, I am challenged. But not mentally, IQ way higher than average, and an understanding of logic and patterns that make it easy for me to fix about anything. But definately NOT people smart, those I do not understand…
I don’t think the average NT is lying, but I think they are the ones that is mentally challenged. They have to sugar the truth, modify it a little, to be accepted. It gets a habit, a bad one, to tell semi-truths. Me? I just say it, F*** the rest. If they can’t handle the logic of this or that, I don’t spend more time on’em.
Be yourself no matter what, trying to be something you can’t be will just kill ya sooner. I intend to live long, maybe alone, but never lonely.30/03/2017 at 2:28 pm #4485MastermindParticipant
Everyone lies at some point, just the type of people in question lie a whole lot.30/05/2017 at 9:33 pm #5287jobby1981Participant
Thank you for such great conversation. I think aspie women are lied to quite a bit and should definitely benefit from the “truth” on this site from aspie men. Aspie males and females can help each other out quite a bit with dating and befriending NTs. I am looking forward to reading more threads. 🙂10/07/2017 at 6:22 am #5295Robert Kelly BrumbelowParticipant
Sorry to necro a thread.
The thing I find most hillareous about NTs lying and such is twofold, first as you all have mentioned they do it costantly, second they have all these facial ticks and hand wavings etc they do to try and distract each other as they do it.
I spend a long time in IT but never actually graduated college (no need to), however here recently I have returned to finish off my degree before taking a new research position. My advisor was trying to tell me that between my research, MCAT prep, running my lab etc etc he thought I was taking too many hours in my last 2 semesters. I could not help but laugh a bit as he tried to say it without saying it.
I finally said to him: Look lets be honest. I have asperger’s you need to just cut to the chase and say whatever it is you are tryign to say as opposed to looking like you are having facial spasms. You are not going to offend me, just say what you mean. And if you ever do offend me, don’t worry I will let you know that too.
They all do it though. I can never tell what they are trying to say exactly, I just know that what they are saying does not logically flow from the situation or their obvious discomfort.
Are we positive we are the ones that are “disabled”? It seems to me there is somethign broken in them if they need to constantly hide what they are saying.10/07/2017 at 10:20 am #5296EwoudKeymaster
Fantastic post Robert. And I totally agree. I actually believe we are more sane.
More in the moment, able to really enjoy things and not even being able to to react from all that ego crap but rather reacting on it by honesty.
If people go hurt or shocked or what not. It’s always their ego. I don’t get hurt or shocked that easily. I think Asperger is a gift. The world is just too fucked up and out of harmony. 😉03/07/2018 at 4:10 pm #5631AnonymousInactive
Goodness me, talk about echoing all my problems with NTs lying. I know that this thread is more to do with dating, but I have a major problem atm with a close family member who tells dreadful lies about very important things and people.. PapaBear earlier said to be yourself or it will kill you and of course he’s right and I can’t continue to crap on my own integrity. I wondered if anybody here has to face a similar confrontation with an (narcissistic) NT? I’m terrible at confrontations, more or less instant meldown if things heat up.04/08/2018 at 1:39 pm #5647AnonymousInactive
ruth : disassociation with entire family resolved own issues of aggressive , lying , untrustworthy , highly intelligent older sibling . whilst not perfect , is definitely easier on the head …08/08/2018 at 1:19 am #5649DedjalParticipant
And here I thought that my mental blockade regarding lying was a quirk of mine.
Nice to see that it is a trait shared.15/08/2018 at 9:39 am #5650Loves FerrarisParticipant
Yeah, I’m tired of the lying too. I notice that a lot of people lie to themselves, as well. Not necessary. I would prefer that people stick to the facts. Trust and respect are very important to me.15/08/2018 at 9:56 am #5651Loves FerrarisParticipant
Goodness me, talk about echoing all my problems with NTs lying. I know that this thread is more to do with dating, but I have a major problem atm with a close family member who tells dreadful lies about very important things and people.. PapaBear earlier said to be yourself or it will kill you and of course he’s right and I can’t continue to crap on my own integrity. I wondered if anybody here has to face a similar confrontation with an (narcissistic) NT? I’m terrible at confrontations, more or less instant meldown if things heat up.
@ Ruth Piazzon
Hi Ruth. There are 2 narcissistic NT’s in my family. They show the same behaviour you describe and also try to create divisions between family members by setting them up against each other, so to speak. Whenever, they show disruptive behaviour, my strategy has always been to refuse to interact with them, until they decide to behave in a rational manner. They don’t like it when I take that stance but they are also aware that I won’t tolerate that kind of behaviour. But I admit I can be blunt at times.26/02/2019 at 9:23 am #6412Voice NerdParticipant
What I find is NTs change their minds because they swing with their emotions. Especially NT females. They say something as if it is the full truth because that’s how they feel at the moment without thinking it through before speaking. Then change their minds (or feelings) and say something contradictory a few days later. I just can’t keep up. Totally confusing.24/06/2020 at 12:21 pm #10346SisiParticipant
Yes, I had an intimate friendship with somebody for over a year who wasn’t fully honest about a number of things (Name, age etc) but I overlooked the red flags, it really hurt me later down the line because I was straight with them about who I was and my motives. I prefer people to be upfront about what they really think, who they are, whether they’re losing interest etc and so I know what the next best course of action I should take should be rather than reading between the lines.25/06/2020 at 5:07 am #10347EwoudKeymaster
Just always trust your gut feeling! If someone lies then it means they have something to hide and when they have something to hide then they have a lot of other things to hide too. Honesty that you can trust should be the basis of any friendship or relationship.01/08/2020 at 1:26 pm #10436sb10Participant
It is so refreshing and I am happy to see that there actually are others who prefer real honesty over “small” or even any lies. If only there were more people like this registered and active on this site. Where else can I find people like that?
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