Do you actively seek out a romantic relationship?

Love and friendship on the spectrum Forums Dating with Asperger’s Do you actively seek out a romantic relationship?

This topic contains 10 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  Voice Nerd 3 weeks, 1 day ago.

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    Alice Diableaux

    I think I’m just on here to meet like-minded people. Also I don’t expect anyone to actually live closeby. But I’m demisexual, so most of the time when I’m not crushing on someone or anything I’m pretty much asexual and definitely aromantic. I’ve never understood why people actively seek out relationships. All my previous relationships came to be by me falling in love, then the guy falling in love as well and after we hung out every day and did all the relationship stuff for a month or three it was very reluctantly like… sooo… I guess we have a relationship now or something? When it goes like that, when it happens organically, I can be okay with it, I guess. I must say I was quite young then and I’ve matured and changed A LOT so maybe now I wouldn’t be so reluctant anymore, but the idea of actively seeking out a relationship, or things like going on dates with the explicit intention of trying to get to know each other for the sole purpose of maybe getting a relationship, as opposed to just getting to know each other as friends and then falling in love with each other and going from there, just seems so alien to me.



    That sounds very recognizable. I have the same due to my demi/sapio inclination. I don’t fall for bodies. I fall for personalities. Someone smart and sensitive can be super attractive to me. While someone that is considered generally attractive is totally uninteresting for me. I like the esthetics of a nice body of course (see the art in my profile) but that is not a sexual turn on more a in appreciation of beauty. I wouldnt say that I am a-sexual but I just don’t see the point of having sex with someone that I don’t feel attracted to mentally and emotionally. It only complicates things in such cases.

    I am looking for interesting people. Not specifically for a potential partner. It would be a nice by-product of getting to know someone that that person seems so special that I fall in love and visa versa. But that is never a goal for me. That is apparently strange,s o it happened quite a lot that a girl was awestruck by me while I wasn’t interested in more than friendship. I did however think we had a friendship, also because I was clear about that matter that we wouldn’t be partners but still they hoped. So they stuck around until it was clear that there wasn’t a relationship to gain with me while they were in love and then cut all tie with me because hey found it too difficult to be friends with me. That has happened a lot…



    really dont know how



    I think that the best mind is an open mind. As soon as you are very goal oriented then it’s likely that you’ll stare blind at the goal. Kust seeing what happens might be the better attitude.



    staring at the problem so hard we ignore the solution


    I used to seek out relationships. Then I was, well it felt like I was steamrolled, by people I dated… then I went on dating breaks that last years… (seriously) and occasionally came out of hibernation when I met someone that surprised me, and those times ended badly, and here I am single. My heart is now black, like my hair… =(


    ohhhh. Did you mean, NOW, on here, this site? mmmmm…. not at this time. I am here for friendship… I was searching for a picture I found funny online, typed in “aspie” and then stopped and “aspie dating” popped up and here I am. I was curious. So I decided to join this aspie singles community. =)



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    My goal was always friendship. I read a lot of articles, book sections, and even watched lots of videos related to human behaviour. Stand up comedians taught me a lot about what are the strange rules and behaviour patterns on NT people. I just learned to mimic. Making friends is still difficult with NT people because they lie a lot and make promises they don’t want to keep. They most often have no honor in their word. This time I want to make at least a friend that is from my planet. I mean, someone or more than just one who doesn’t mind being brutally honest and straightforward.
    I must say that my fiance and I met via a social site which can also be used as a dating site. We started talking because he found my profile funny. I just had “Hi, I’m Son Goku and you are reading this in my voice.” We talked for hours and days before he jokingly asked me to be his wife and I said yes. He was shocked at my quick response but was elated. We have been together for a little over 2 years now.
    I still want to make friends without having the “romance thing” being an issue. I think if you find someone who you can have more than a friendship that’s pretty cool, but I already found my potato man. I just want friends.



    Hey Riverr that is a nice and encouraging comment for everyone looking for friendship


    Voice Nerd

    I have no clue how to date. I’m a bit opposite about wanting to get to know someone first. For friends, yes, but I’m really sensitive about body smells, textures and other stuff like that, so dating is difficult as most men gross me out physically with their stubble and rough skin and sweaty body smells, and spit, yucky. Romantic relationship will need to eventually be sexual, but no-can-do if someone grosses me out, no matter how much I love them or we connect on other levels. So I feel I am doomed. Just friends is probably all I will ever have with anyone. I have had a few close male friends I have loved very much, and I ended up being “best man” in their weddings. Do we hang out anymore? No. Third wheel sucks.

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