Asperger Dating – Love and friendship on the spectrum › Forums › Dating with Asperger’s › That very first date
30/01/2016 at 9:44 am #1050
I wonder what your tips are on a first date.
Wen to have a first date, especially how fast.
I have found out that I really need to level with people first. Become familiar with their interests and with them, so that some solid common ground has been established before we meet.
Even though I can talk about a whole range of subjects in depth I totally get stuck in small-talk-situations so small talking my way through a first date would be a total failure.
I have also been in situations where it was “sex first”, so that you neither need to talk but that doesn’t give much of a base for a relationship and as I am sapio/demi-sexual it neither gives me satisfaction.
So taking time and getting familiar works best for me. Also connecting on a deeper level first because that superfluous level just doesn’t exist for me. I know that that can be found attractive too.
What works best for you?30/01/2016 at 9:22 pm #1062
Never been on a date, so I don’t really have any idea, but from what I’ve gathered, dates typically happen earlier than I would like. I also want to get to know someone well before going on a date, but it seems like if you do that, you’ll get “friendzoned.”30/01/2016 at 9:59 pm #1063
My golden tip is…Use your (probably) aspie-directness and (possibly suppressed because that happens) honesty to tell things like how easy and good the connection feels if it feels good. Use compliments. Not standard ones. get the weird ones out. The ones they never have heard before but that is true. If you are really attracted to someones intelligence tell them that you feel attracted to their intelligence. Compliment on values and content rather than on the context. “Damn… I really feel attracted to you…” can be a good thing to say at the right moment but saying something like “There are not many people that manage to keep my attention while you just don’t seem to have any problem with that!” Or “You really seem to stimulate my brains” and so on… I am dead direct with stuff like that and I recon that that is the reason why I hardly had problems with ending up in the dreaded friend-zone. The best thing is to be Frank and spontaneous without really overdoing it. And the rest is just practice. I am like 26 years tan you are older. I’ve failed a lot. 😉
I’ve looked at your profile. You are an attractive guy so you should use your humor and be a little daring. Use your grammar skills to make witty puns that are juuuust on the edge. Be playful. Saying that which goes a little further and totally original catches the right girls or guys heart. Say “God.. I totally wonder what it would feel like to snuggle up to you!” If you are wondering about that… I used to be very careful in what I said, afraid to say the wrong thing, and I got friend-zoned. I mainly fall for women and most women don’t mind a man that is direct and frank. Often they find it refreshing and attractive. Being too nice lands you in the friend-zone, not the time you spend chatting…
Good luck J.T.31/01/2016 at 12:12 am #1071
Maybe that’s why I’ve had much trouble although I have a lot more trouble where I live than I have than some other places. It’s like girls here never seem attracted to me and whilst I would love to be direct to them, they are often so unapproachable and make me feel uncomfortable. People are very opaque here.31/01/2016 at 1:06 am #1075
It is stressful and not a very good base for a relationship if you have to pull your reins all the time with your directness.
It is very local yes. I am from the Netherlands originally and then from the Northern part where people are pretty direct by nature. But here in Norway where I live most people go in hiding as soon as you are direct. But still… “Most is not all”. And people that know me well also know where it is coming from. They don’t see it as harmful but as honesty which can be appreciated.
At the end it all is about chemistry. You have of course more chance of connecting and feel understood on a deeper level here, which is also the reason for creating this site at http://www.aspie-singles.com People that communicate more or less the same, that have the same pitfalls, the same joys, add to that interests and sexual preferences and there you might have a beautiful match with someone that you can understand and stand and that might be able to stand and understand you and your quirks as well. 😉07/03/2016 at 2:51 am #1518
stress is where we seem to live
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