Autism Dating – Front page › Forums › Dating with Asperger’s › Maintaining Active Profiles on Mainstream Dating Sites
- This topic has 4 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 11 hours, 27 minutes ago by
Brad.
-
AuthorPosts
-
27/01/2026 at 10:19 pm #36509
DragonEmbersParticipantIs it worth it?
Even when there is/are not a lot of matches or site activity, being open to multiple avenues to finding dates seems ideal, especially for people who have trouble finding dates.
In my experience, however, non-autistic people will find criteria to negatively judge that I have never even conceived of, and some of them seem very interested in picking out people who look “different.”
So, although everyone who puts up a profile is potentially opening themselves up to unfair criticism, people who are socially innocent have the additional issue of being completely unaware of what’s “wrong” with their profile, what it looks like to non-autistic people, and having no idea that they are opening themselves up to ridicule.
And beyond just judging, people will share profiles and even private messages across the internet. There’s a lack of respect for privacy and a culture of mocking. Sometimes it’s just better to not expose oneself to non-autistic people’s excessive social interest and tribalism.
Keeping the profile private (if the option is available) and messaging only select people is one option. A profile with no picture is another option on the few sites that still allow that.
The difficulty dating and the culture that make publicly available profiles a risk are intertwined.
28/01/2026 at 12:03 am #36511BradParticipantI feel the same way on the privacy of those. You asked if you think it’s worth it. Short answer, you never know how things might change in the future. Open door can’t hurt anything. Just approach it plainly and fill in the blanks off-line on any condition stuff. That way it’s not out there. Don’t depend on it. It’s just a free open door your putting out there. Had my profile up on 4 different platforms from 2018-2023. Didn’t receive a single message or response for the duration.
After 2023 I decided to close them all minus this one. With a return on investment that low, I respect my time. I’d participate at my hourly rate to validate their users. Absent that, I already did the work and showed up. The task of asking is no longer my responsibility now, done.
Suggestion: Check out community meetup spots like Meetup.com and Craigslist, stuff like that. In some areas I’ve seen Spectrum meetups and such. I would enjoy attending one of these but live too remote. Perhaps you might find an opportunity close by to attention on and meet new people. It could be awesome!
28/01/2026 at 10:36 pm #36515BradParticipantGiven this more thought. The platforms could implement tools for people like us to find each other, with more privacy.
How this could be done. Today most people make a movement their identity. Platforms were more then happy provide the tools. Plenty of platforms added tags and searchable movements tha shows on their profile picture. It’s great at a glance you know who that person is.
All it would take is adding a Neurodivert tag. The tools and structure is already there, they proved it by adding all those movement tags dividing everyone.
For additional privacy. After adding it the Neurodivert tag, be great if you could only search or show up for people with said tag as a profile option. A neurotypical person has expectations of running out and doing lots of social activities as the default. While the default everyone is on a different planet on the other end. They may not want to sign up for that. Normalize interacting with like minded people and it would be worth the investment.
29/01/2026 at 1:05 am #36516DragonEmbersParticipantPlenty of platforms added tags and searchable movements that shows on their profile picture.
Yes, that’s a good idea, however, it has a downside: I used one of those features on OkCupid. Two people abused the system by temporarily adding the same tag to their own profiles. I was then visible to them and they liked my profile. Then they removed the tag and went back to being invisible to me. I knew what happened only because I could see the Likes.
So there needs to be a safeguard, for example, people can add the neurodivergent tag only when they sign up, before they can view anyone’s photos, and the tag can never be removed. Of course there are people who will abuse even that system, then delete their profile and start a new one.
31/01/2026 at 4:32 am #36522BradParticipantYour right, there will be some abuse. I like your idea about the one time activate tag. That would make it more of a chore. Holy cow about your experience with the tag by the way! Question, on that site, when you were on it. In your area did anyone fill out the profiles with any depth or anything inviting?
-
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.