Reply To: Youtube Channel

[Brad]

You’re welcome, and thanks for putting so much time into giving us this space. I’m really glad you connected with some of the ideas. Sorry to hear you’re dealing with burnout. I’m just now coming out of a long one myself. Like you, I was only diagnosed a couple of years ago, so I’m still figuring things out as I go.

There are a few things I discovered on my own and wanted to compare notes with you.

When things get really bad, listening to music with no other stimulation has helped me a lot. Might be worth trying if you haven’t already. I’ve had days where I’d come home from work, put on music for five hours, skip dinner, and go straight to bed, but the next day I’d feel noticeably better. I even ended up losing 15 pounds from it recently, bonus!

During really stressful periods, taking a couple of days in a row just to listen helped me reset and keep myself steady. It made it easier to hold the line with masking and dealing with everyday interactions, even when I felt judged or misunderstood because of social cues or body language, eye contact etc.

There is a method behind this madness. Ruminating thoughts are tough to escape, and boredom is honestly the worst thing for me, it forces constant focus, which is basically the mask running nonstop. Making time to take the mask off ended up being everything. Letting my thoughts wander while listening to cinematic music pushes me into creative mode. The task, if you can call it that, is to imagine a space or story that fits the music. The music kind of writes the daydream for you.

Norway seems to be home to some of the best composers for that style, Tommee Profitt on YouTube is a great example. His covers are perfect for this.

The more I’ve done this over the years, the more vivid everything has become. I think it’s just how we’re wired. Now I can experience smell, touch, and sound in memory or daydreams, almost like I’m there in first-person. Total immersion, the world disappears, and I can live in that space with all the detail and clarity people like us tend to notice. If I’m unsure about something, I can “rewatch” it in my mind until I find the answer. While doing this work your taking a break from Special interests at the same time.

I get a lot of clarity and ideas in that space, things I completely missed during the real-life version of events. You probably already do something similar when trying to understand social context. I’ve developed a different approach for that. I try to stay stoic, make sure my principles are aligned (respect, morals, patience), and keep most of my opinions to myself. Less to analyze later. No performance necessary.
Used to depend on humor to carry me.

The source of humor was me repeating the context in which I see something, when I know I know its wrong but make light of it. People always loved that. *Crawl under a desk “Hey it’s dusty down here, OMG I just found Jimmy Hoffa” (referring to dust). Stuff like that, lol. Wondering if you do the same?

Also, at work I carry a legal pad and pen. I write down where I’m going, who I’m seeing next, why. Technical notes, pretty much everything. Now, you don’t have to remember. No tech, they have distractions. The task of opening a laptop and logging in, the information is gone already. I have to write it fast. Just pen and paper. Limited working memory.

Where I grew up, in the late 80s and 90s, being different got you sent away to the wrong kinds of programs. No support systems, just being lumped in with kids who had untreated behavioral issues, and you had to fight several times a day to protect yourself. They had no emotional intelligence or control. The movie The Principal (1987) portrays it on a light dose of the reality over here at the time. Only it was far more violent then that. Things changed in a big way over here now and there is support in place. When I went to school it was taboo and a teacher would be let go for suggestion the spectrum. It was viewed as your just lazy, “just focus, do the work” then they would get frustrated and punish you. Then send you away.

I’m wondering if you had similar experiences back then, over on your side of the pond? And I’d love to hear about any tools or strategies you’ve found that help you manage everything.

Thanks!
Brad