Not Diagnosed

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  cosmogirl80 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

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    Hi all. I am new and I have never been diagnosed. Does anyone have some advice? I’m 44 this year and didn’t think it would do much good to start the diagnostic process now. Anyways, Hi everyone :).




    Hi yourself, I’m new here as well…

    I have just recently been diagnosed, I’m 38 turning 39… I don’t cherish the fact that I have a diagnosis, but it have helped me to understand a lot of my previous years… It explains alot.

    Having a diagnosis doesn’t solve anything( for me, that is…), but it sure have helped in understanding why I never fit in and why my response to the rest of the world and other people have been difficult.

    I was kinda reluctant to get a diagnose, but now (3 weeks later) it’ve started to “sink in”. The diagnosis can be helpful in my everyday life, if just to have some way of explaining to the people around me that they can’t expect “normal” responses from me when I get a “meltdown”. Earlier this have been very hard, and have given me a lot of difficulties. In relationships, with friends and, most important, family.

    My personal opinion would be to get diagnosed, but then again it’s your decision. It might have benefits, but also will probably have drawbacks… And as earlier stated, a diagnosis doesn’t solve anything. You have to cope with it all the same.




    I find it hard to get a diagnosis. Insurance doesn’t cover it and it’s not recognized in adults. I finally found a Dr who is willing to get me started with it. He needs to solve my thyroid problem first, so he can separate the issues. Even though, all of this has gone on all of my life and we learn to adapt (not usually very well) and never understand why we are adapting, we do it. All stuff you can understand, I’m sure… Anyway, my point was that getting a diagnosis is very important to me for an official explanation for why things are how they are. That I don’t communicate like others and that they don’t need to always be offended. Trust me, if I want to offend them, I can. I don’t think I’m offending them, but I am. I feel so misunderstood and hated, everyday. I haven’t done anything wrong to anyone, I say things the wrong way, I don’t look at them when I speak and I ask questions that seem the same as the last question I asked but really, I changed a couple of words to get a different kind of answer and that drives people nuts. They get frustrated. I work in a very technical field and I need to understand EVERYTHING. I have a crazy passion for my work. Obsessive.


    Loves Ferraris

    I know that this is an old thread but just wanted to add my thoughts. I got my official diagnosis as an adult – that was about 10 years ago. It didn’t solve any problems for me either, but it did give me a handle on things and helped me understand why I thought the way I did. It helped me understand why my communication/interaction strategies still feel as I have to do them consciously, even though I’ve used them for many years. When communicating/interacting with other people, I have to expend a lot of energy into listening to the other person, watching their facial expression and reading their body language. I have to monitor my own communication style – making sure I have the appropriate facial expressions, appropriate body language, appropriate tone of voice, remembering to make eye contact, remembering to pause, etc. I was taught all of these things as a young person and hoped that they would become second nature to me.

    On the other hand, the official diagnosis was confirmation to me that my parents, who had suspected many yeas ago, that I might have had a mild form of autism, were correct in their opinion. This was before the use of the term Asperger’s Syndrome became more common. My parents suspected that I may have had mild autism because I had trouble interacting with other people appropriately. At the time, doctors advised my parents that I didn’t have autism because I could speak. My parents disagreed with that opinion and trained me themselves in the art of communication and interacting with other people.


    Voice Nerd

    So glad to read this, even if some of it is from awhile ago. I have an appointment in two days to get a diagnosis. I’m 58. My dad was 88 when we got his diagnosis. Seems my coping skills have gotten worse as I get older, or perhaps I am just so very tired of having to conform all the time. I just want to stay in my room by myself. I am feeling so very depressed. I can relate to feeling misunderstood and hated every day, and how I am always offending people. I feel like I should have “learned how” by now at age 58. I feel hopeless.



    Thanks for sharing, encouragement for others :)… I only just really realised I wasn’t merely blunt but that girls can have asperger’s recently and I’m 38!! Anyway I watched Tony Attwood speaking on Girls and Aspergers recently and recognised my entire life to a T right there. Was extremely liberating to realise hey I really AM bonafide different…my brain works completely differently to the majority of people! So anyway I don’t really feel a need to a get an official diagnosis – just a few hundred dollars down the drain and I don’t see that it will make any difference this late in the game…My mother also recognised my entire life right there in Tony’s presentation even some of my friends did as there were examples like directly lifted out of my life…besides not collecting potato mashers, lol.

    I think the most challenging part of being female aspie is that as women we can come across fairly socially adept/normal even charming compared to the stereotypically known male aspie and people EXPECT all the normal female stereotypes…and don’t deal well when their expectations very quickly come crashing down as they get to know us past the initial meeting. Have to say though at this stage of my life I am pretty comfortable being in my own skin aspieish and all…but I have to make a conscientious effort to reign my natural tendencies in just for the good of others sensitivities as an act of loving consideration…

    Occasionally though I will just let the aspie out full force when I get tired of tiptoeing, but only from time to time 😉

    I learnt a lot of women only realise they are aspie at my age when suddenly all the close (mostly male) friends got married and settled down and then you realise oh, actually I don’t get along with most women so much because I don’t share many of their interests and not understanding or responding to their emo aspect well always gets me into trouble so it is actually more stressful to be friends with most non aspie females than it to be friends with males.

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