“I’d missed the rule about asking for a friend request, waiting for acceptance, and only then messaging people”
Oh, I did not know that such a rule even existed. But I would not be offended if I get a message first. I think, you are right with the good intentions, as you yourself write here: https://www.aspie-singles.com/forums/topic/not-diagnosed/#post-10784
Can’t imagine that anyone would be offended.