Being in a relationship is difficult for people without social impairments. Being in a relationship with an Aspie can be frustrating whether both partners are on the spectrum or not.
I love my husband. He is my favorite person in the entire world but I don’t envy him.
I can be a difficult person to live with. Being affectionate doesn’t always come naturally to me. When I am feeling tired or worn down I often retreat into myself, shutting out the world, becoming cold and robotic.
In addition to occasionally becoming the real life version of the ice queen, there are other Aspergian traits that my husband takes in stride.
Stores can be overwhelming to me, especially if I’ve had a long or stressful day. He talks to people at the supermarket checkout lines so I don’t have to. My husband also helps to keep me on track during our shopping trips, since I am easily distracted in busy places.
When we go out with friends or coworkers, my husband is like my Neurotypical translator.
I have a very hard time reading the faces of people I don’t know very well (even people I do know can be hard to read). My husband’s face provides comfort, and his familiar expressions give me conversational cues that would otherwise be missed. He even stops me discretely if I end up going off on a tangent or am offending someone.
Being an Aspie in love can be difficult, our desire for solitude can put a strain on our relationships, especially if our partner does not understand our needs. Being with a partner who is socially active can drive an Aspergian crazy. Social people thrive on communal gatherings much like Aspies thrive in solitude.
So is it better if Aspies date other Aspies? Well, that depends on your strengths and weaknesses. Being in a relationship with someone who has all the same deficits as you can create a very difficult or negative situation. There is no right or wrong answer to the question, but statistically Aspies do tend to end up with more introverted partners.
There is another dark side of being an Aspie in love, a very dark side – stalking and obsession. If the object of an Aspergian’s affection becomes that Aspie’s special interest some unhealthy behaviors can arise.
Shameful as it is, and it’s hard to admit, I was guilty of this in my younger and more naive years. My stalking was harmless, I would never hurt anyone, but could have easily gotten me into big trouble. This type of behavior seems to be common, especially in young Aspian women.
I feel truly lucky to have met my husband. In the years before I found out about Asperger’s, I had a lot of healing to do, and he helped me through it. He is my best friend, my true love, caregiver, and my protector.
Lucky for me on this Valentine’s Day – I am an Aspie in Love.