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A cheat sheet for online dating

You can print these 11 pointers out and keep them nearby as a cheat sheet while you are looking for someone online. 
It is written to avoid some pitfalls while dating on the spectrum and will be useful for any online dating site. 

You can also use our printer friendly PDF and EPUB

  1. Take real good time reading all profile details, see what you genuinely like about someone and also look for real no-no’s. 
  2. Pick that one that really stands out for you. 
  3. We Aspergians tend to do things in a spur, but let’s hang on a little and wait a day. He or she most likely won’t disappear. We Aspergians always need some time to let impressions sink in. So be patient and see what you think tomorrow. It is golden to wait! Of course you want to write a message right away, but waiting gives you 70% more chance of success. Just keep that in mind. While you wait you can study the profile of the person you like and really get an idea. You’ll get a better view on your similarities and on your differences. You might see some matching interests or some interests that you really like. Just let all impressions aspergically sink in and sleep on it.
  4. Now the next day has arrived and you are most probably more than prepared to let your fingers fly over the keyboard like a piano virtuoso over the first piano concerto of Rachmaninov. Keep in mind that you are about to make a first impression. Be genuine, be original as you are, so be yourself. Show interests in a real way. If there is something that you don’t know much about, while it really interests you, ask to tell more about it because we Aspergians looooove to tell about our special interests, don’t we! And of course write about those shared special interests and come with some super obscure details about that. What’s a better way to impress a fellow Aspergian? Try to tell also little about yourself. Fun stuff mostly. Keep away from depression- and hardship-topics in the first message. No one likes a heavy start. Just be genuine and general. Does the other one like cats like you do? Tell about yours and ask about his or hers. Talk about yourself but don’t forget to ask. However don’t ask more than one or two questions because no one likes questionnaires. And one more tip. Don’t go too much for complimenting on his or her looks in this first message. Keep that one to yourself at the start. Everyone wants to be liked more because of who they are instead of what they look like, so starting off with “Hi, I thought you are beautiful!” will be most likely be regarded as shallow and put you on the pile of people that don’t have anything substantial to say really. Leave that to the competition that didn’t read these pointers. 😉 Last but not least, don’t tell that you have a sense of humour, but show it! Tell something really silly and funny you did the other day. If you get him or her to laugh and he or she will react in a heartbeat!
  5. No reaction? This can be disappointing after putting your heart into a message to someone you liked. But don’t be despaired! Some people need some time to answer. Give it some days and don’t start bombardment of messages. That will seem needy and blow all your previous effort to smithereens. After a couple of days you can send a short message saying something witty like: “Hi! I hope I didn’t send my message to the wrong planet! I hope we inhabit the same one… Can you let me know if it arrived at the right sector of Aspergulon X???” Be original, light and funny, and chances are huge that you’ll hear back.
  6. Omg!!! A reaction! Ok… now it’s time for some superhuman self control. Play it cool and just wait a little with answering at this stage! Wait at least half a day. remember how often we say the wrong things in a spur! Read the message a couple of times and let it sink in and respond genuinely to the message.
  7. After some messages you might feel that you hit it off reallly well! You can’t stop talking really and there is only more coming up to share. Keep the messages flowing. Don’t wait anymore. Go for it. If this stays for a while then it’s getting time for the next level!
  8. The next level is to get the hell away from that dating site. It’s a good place to meet but not a good place to stay hanging around when you really hit it off. Rather befriend on facebook, talk on WhatsApp, use messenger, maybe even Skype or or any other medium where you have a more constant flow of contact. Just keep the contact alive and fun and see where it takes you two.
  9. Do you feel that you need to pull all answers out of the other one? It doesn’t seem to flow and it doesn’t call for more enthusiasm every day? Just let it be and jump back to 1. There is really no loss in that. It’s a given that you’ll rather hit and fit!
  10. You are both riding a wave? Go and meet and decide together to delete your profiles. That will give a sign that you are serious and give trust in both directions. And about meeting. The best tip is not to stare at each other at some public place where both most likely will get extremely overwhelmed. You can look for something to do together that matches both your interests. It will be so much easier to have fun together next to each other than sitting opposite of each other over a coffee.
  11. Last but not least! Don’t talk with too many different people at the same time. Pick only one to concentrate on and for get the rest for a bit. You won’t give anyone enough attention and probably wonder what you said to whom causing only your Aspergical brain to go mushy. The other one will also feel that you aren’t really investing your time. So do things also Aspilogically one by one when you are dating. Multitasking isn’t our strong suit. Our strong suit is that we are there for 100% if we are, and showing that will impress… 

Please feel free to share this post all around because his guideline will help any Aspergian to be successful on any dating site, but  please leave this line that this post originates from www.aspie-singles.com 

Good luck with your quest! 

Ewoud

Image from pexels

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