When is the right time to mention Asperger's?

This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  *AspieGirl* 1 year, 6 months ago.

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  • #1076

    Liam
    Participant

    This is something I’ve often been confused about. Initially on sites like OKCupid, I mentioned Asperger’s on my profile page itself just to let people know, but since removed it because I wasn’t sure if that was the right place to mention it.

    But if I’m messaging someone there, and didn’t mention it on the first message, then when is the right time to mention I have Asperger’s? And how do I bring it up? It’s something I’ve often wondered about so that the person I’m talking to may then understand why I may behave the way I do

    #1077

    Ewoud
    Keymaster

    Hi, I think that differs. I think that having it in an OKC profile will make a lot of people go “move on… problematic…” because they have no clue what it actually is. You may be neon-signing yourself with a category while you are an unique human being.

    You can also name some of the symptoms telling that you are just weird like that without calling it Asperger’s. When you feel you have a very strong connection that has been going on for a week or to then just break the news. If it is someone that is worth to get to know then they will be interested in it.

    Telling people that you have Asperger’s will in 99,9% of all cases not make people understand you. It will just make you come off as weird. That in general. But on a personal level with someone you are getting close to then it is a wonderful thing to share. It is then your secret… And sometimes you get some secrets in return finding out that you both are equally whack creating a perfect bond between two whackies. 🙂

    #1078

    Liam
    Participant

    That’s true, but I was also wondering, when in a conversation (like between 50-100 messages), what would be the right way to bring it up? I’d like to mention it after maybe a week or so but don’t want to bring it up in a way that seems sudden or random

    #1079

    Ewoud
    Keymaster

    I tend to drop it unintroduced because I don’t see how that mentoning something like that wouldn’t be random. It is like saying… by the way. I miss a foot. Most conversations dont deal about having feet so there wouldn’t be a lead towards such a thing either. But I say a lot of random things anyway so I just pop something like that in there. Maybe you could write a short text with the positive sides of your Asperger’s but mentioning that it comes with a couple of quirky things that the other person should know about? Being positive about something like that makes others view you in a positive way. Glass half full people are attractive and always feel less problematic to others than glass half empty people.

    #1080

    Alice Diableaux
    Participant

    I don’t think there’s an objectively ‘right time’ to say it quantifiable by numbers of messages or anything like that. When I click with someone I can assume that’s a person who isn’t judgmental and is open to listen to me explain it and probably has some traits themselves. So I just say it whenever it feels right or comes up organically. And not coming up organically like Pierce boasting about how he fucked Eartha Kidd in an airplane bathroom… I’m not thát bad at reading social cues 😛

    #1792

    *AspieGirl*
    Participant

    sooo. I just recently started telling new friends that I am an aspie. I have been becoming more authentic and real to my self… I was hiding who I was for way too long. I have been making lots of new friends and discovering that the people I am drawn to (geeky, creative, artistic, theatrical, etc.)- some of them also happen to be aspie… or on the lgbtqia spectrum… and when they confide in me that they are (trans, gay, bisexual, living with a chronic or mental illness, or also aspie) then I feel comfortable sharing that I have my own secret, being an aspie. I guess you could say that I am living in the aspie closet, it is just safer for me that way. Being a sweet, kind, generous female, I find that alllllll the wrong people find me. I don’t think they know that I am aspie, but I do know they see something in me that they want to …. mm… I lose words… they want to… it starts with an M, ..
    Well anyways, I find that it is better to only confide in people I know I can trust… That I don’t have to worry that they will tell people… Since they have their own secret, or issue, or whatever, then it is more equal I guess.

    So in answer to your question, Liam, sorry it’s been the long version… Maybe wait until AFTER you meet in person? If you put all your interests and hobbies out there on your profile and you find someone interesting that shares some of those hobbies, after you get to know the person for a while, like 2-10 dates/outings/hangout sessions, you can let them know you are aspie..

    I try to bring up the subject and see what the other person will say. Like almost code words… I will bring up my favorite aspie books, or movies, and ask if they have read or seen it? and if they did, and liked it, then I might drop in the fact…

    For example:
    ME: “One of my favorite movies is MOZART & THE WHALE… Have you seen that movie?”
    FRIEND: “Oh, yeah, that was a cool movie. That was about Asperger’s, right…? My little brother has that…”
    ME: “Oh, that must be interesting…”
    FRIEND: “Yeah, I love my little brother so much, he can be a bit annoying with some of his behaviors, but you, know, it’s just something he has…”
    ME: “Oh… I’m an aspie too…”
    FRIEND: “Oh, cool…”
    ME: “Alright, see you later in class…”
    FRIEND: “Cool, yeah, see you later…”

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  *AspieGirl*.

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