I find people off the spectrum lie too much

This topic contains 18 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of jobby1981 jobby1981 3 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #1004

    I have always been very sensitive to lying. I know how to lie but prefer to find people that can handle the truth and because of my ASD I don’t emotionally react to things so I would people be truthful and just work through consequences. I have a hard enough tying to read people when they’re telling the truth.

    Anyone else struggle with this?

    #1007
    Profile photo of Ewoud
    Ewoud
    Keymaster

    I have more or less the same thing. Most NT people will rather not face the facts (ans so they will rather lie to them selves too) while I am all facts. But luckily I have some NT friends that really appreciate my directness and honesty but there are not many that do. When people ask me my opinion then I am direct and matter a fact. I’ve learned to be little more tactical though and when to keep my mouth shut but even that is sometimes “hit or mis” πŸ˜‰ I do however have a “take it or leave it” attitude. You either take me as I am or not. Like this I have people around me that appreciate me for my (or despite of) my directness and quirks like having to distance myself from people from time to time.

    The most important thing is however to stay true to yourself and to keep focus on people that care about you. You can’t be friends with everyone anyway so those few that stick around are valuable.

    #1012

    It’s truly mindboggling that people think lying to someone they want to date is a good idea. It is just a huge waste of everyone’s time and seems so disrespectful.

    I like for people to tell me what interests them, maybe we can find something in common and conversation can go from there. When NTs tell me they like something but it is a lie I waste my time trying to learn something about their interest to have something to talk about that interests them, and it is all for no reason! Ha

    #1013
    Profile photo of Ewoud
    Ewoud
    Keymaster

    That is what I am thinking. In the first paragraph at least…

    Not all NT’s are like that but there is a reason why I stared this site. Aspies usually understand Aspies better than most NT’s do. And especially when it comes down to relationships then there is a lot less noise on the line. So, I sincerely hope that this website will help people to find each other without wasting time on problems like the one you are describing or on people that say that they do understand and that that they can give space when you need it but who don’t do it when you do need it. That is what I have come across a lot.

    I have been lied to though or better, my last ex didn’t think to mention certain things that I felt were wrong so she basically denied everything until she broke up with me. In her words it was “wishful thinking”. For me it is hard if someone denies things that i am aware of because if someone tells me something then I trust them. Trust is a big thing. I find it strange and impossible to comprehend when an NT doesn’t trust me. But that is probably because they can’t be trusted themselves…

    Just one more thing… I never date too soon. I take a lot of time talking with someone online before I meet because I need that to level with the other person and to find out if that person is able to keep me interested and visa versa of course. If I meet someone out of the blue without having laid some solid ground first then I get stuck because like most of us I am a terrible small talker. When the connection is already meaningful then there is a much bigger chance that a real life date will work out fine as well. And if not then it is just a matter of digesting it for a while and moving forward again with little more insight. πŸ˜‰

    The most important thing is to stay positive… I believe that there is someone for everyone. It may take some time and effort to find that someone but if you do then you will…

    #1024

    I agree with you about taking more time to know someone before going to the dating level. It makes it hard for me in North America because men do not want to take the time to get to know you. Online dating is harder when looking for friendships I find because of the lying I mentioned but I have reached the point where I no longer am looking for dates but just to get to know people. I signed up on here because I knew there would be more people with that sensibility. That it is more important to truly know someone than to just like their profile picture πŸ™‚

    #1030
    Profile photo of Ewoud
    Ewoud
    Keymaster

    If someone doesn’t want to take the time to get to know you then they are not worth the effort… Just move on. πŸ™‚ If the conversation catches on and lasts then the interest is in you as a person and not only in sex. I don’t think it’s geographical determined though. A lot of people on dating sites are on dating sites for sex. They have no time for you taking your time because they just want to score, so they will move on… Losing the tail of those people is only a win for you really.

    #1031

    You are right. I have become a lot less confused about the world and peoples’ intentions since I stopped watching cable television with the advertising. I stream shows and watch netflix but avoid anything that is unrealistic so I don’t get confused about real life. I feel much more free now. Now I understand each person needs to me understood individually and people don’t fall into the categories like TV makes it seem

    #1036
    Profile photo of Ewoud
    Ewoud
    Keymaster

    Interesting though. I haven’t owned a tv for 17 years but tend to get overwhelmed when the tv is on somewhere. I love fiction though. But good unrealistic fiction. Hahah… I really dislike reality shows. I love detective stories with clever plots. πŸ™‚

    #1037

    I love all programmes that are realistic and entertaining… except comedy doesn’t have to be realistic haha

    I own close to 500 books I think and I like sci-fi and fantasy as well as non-fiction and graphic novels. I took courses at university on writing graphic novels and I enjoyed it much better than TV

    #1038
    Profile photo of Ewoud
    Ewoud
    Keymaster

    It’s always a good thing to get your creative juices flowing πŸ™‚ I would say, go for it. πŸ™‚

    #1517
    Profile photo of dregj
    dregj
    Participant

    what science fiction writers do you like?
    im into david weber /honor Harrington stuff

    as for comics IM huge morrison fan
    love RIP

    #1522

    Neil Gaiman
    Phillip K Dick
    Clive Barker
    Isaac Asimov

    My exposure to graphic novels is lesser. I took some courses on the graphic novel at university but haven’t had the money to get into it for pleasure

    #1529
    Profile photo of dregj
    dregj
    Participant

    done some courses myself
    on that subject
    ill have to make my own kick starter
    when the pencilling is ready
    im a slow and terrible drawer
    and cant afford an artist or inker
    a labour of love indeed

    #1532
    Profile photo of dregj
    dregj
    Participant

    still haven’t read good omens or sandman
    I’ll get round to gaiman eventually

    #1794
    Profile photo of *AspieGirl*
    *AspieGirl*
    Participant

    true.
    same.
    totally agree.
    most NT people I know, lie so much…

    to me…
    to themselves..
    to the world…

    I am tired of all the lying. No more lying.
    Just be honest and true and real.

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