Reply To: Not Diagnosed

Ellie Mae

I am self-diagnosed, and like most women my age it came as a relieving ah-ha moment. I.e., so that’s why . . . ad infinitum. You see, when I was young autism was a boy’s disease, only boys. I was just a very odd girl.

When I was a really little kid, of course I thought I was normal and just like everyone else. Mom, on the other hand, who had raised two children before me, knew that I was “different” from day one of my life. But I saw so much of myself reflected in my Dad that it didn’t seem odd to me. In fact, I was online researching the traits my Dad had when I realized that he was on the spectrum, and I was, too.

I started 1st grade when I was 5. As soon as I was with the other kids I knew right away that we were NOT alike. I tried to fit in through school, but I tended to make friends with boys instead of girls because we had similar interests — snakes, lizards, spiders and the like. I loved to wander through the desert alone, playing by myself for hours and catching the creatures there. I still enjoy my own company, and don’t need someone to entertain me.

I have never been a girly-girl, and most of my good friends in my life have been guys. I am a reliable friend to a man because I have no hidden motives or future aspirations beyond friends, and I’m not physical with my friends. Most have said at one time or another that I was the best of both worlds, like having a guy friend but still a woman.

On the other hand, it also means that I have spent a lot of my life alone. The NT guys I have tried to have relationships with aren’t happy with me because I’m not just like all the other women they’ve known. I’m more logical and less emotional, more predictable but in a different way as compared to “normal” women.

Bottom line – I think if a dictionary had pictures mine would appear along side the entry “Aspie Female.”

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